Limbo

Lawls. Once again, I completely forgot about this. It's strange, coming back here and writing stuff about my life. But I'd figure I would update it since I might want to come back to read about life except I realized a lot of things I wrote during college are pretty immature and dumb. I guess one thing I won't forget is my level of thinking/intelligence throughout the years in college. I don't even know if I'd want/like to look back at these entries because I would just sound kinda dumb and in result feel dumb at that very moment. Well update: I graduated college about a month ago. Never really pictured my graduation because I always lived day to day. I need to get a job, but don't feel the urgency to work (bad). I went on my first foreign mission trip to Cambodia. It was really good. It's too long to write on this blog. I am in Korea atm. It slowly hits me, day by day, that it's time for me to grow up, but it's so hard. I'm going back to Cali this Sunday, but will only be in home for a week and then will be going to Hong Kong and Korea again with family. This vacation seems longer than it should. It's raining in Korea. I don't like the rain, unless it's cold and I am dressed for it. The food in Korea is so darn good :( I think that's it for now.

Another work day

Sometimes it hurts and I don't know how to deal with it. It's stressful. I miss my friends from Chile. I miss them so much. I wish I could be there with them. I wish I could be more introverted, just for my own good. Being extroverted is not always a good thing. How I wish of a lot of things. Words cannot express what I feel.

Senior year

Blogspot changed. I think I haven't been here since last year.. actually let's say that it was the last time I posted something. Today I just felt like writing something and posting something because I have a lot on my mind. Actually, I always have a lot on my mind. I'm just lazy and feel that it's too much work to write on this blog. But I do feel sad for neglecting it for so long. I did start this blog freshmen year, so I would like to continue posting my life adventures so I won't forget my college years. Too bad I never posted anything during my junior year. So I'll probably forget this year of my life later on, unless I try to remember everything i did during junior year and write it all right now. But no. I won't do that because that will take me all night to write. This is kind of random but it seems that no one uses blogspot these days. It's all about tumblr I think. I want to remember this so I'll just write it. I got an internship on June 28th 2012. I interviewed on June 27th and I got a call back the next day telling me that I had been chosen for the AC transit internship. I was at forever 21 when I got the call and I think me got way too excited. I honestly, don't deserve this internship because I am way too under qualified. God is too good. He really works is unexpected ways. Anyway. I also got a new Macbook pro, about a month ago. I thought life would be a lot more exciting after purchasing one, but .. hmm not really. It's just a laptop after all. I can't quite tell you that I love working life. I do have to wake up really early and go to sleep early. But I think it's good for me because I can discipline myself this way. I really hope to become a better person by becoming more organized and diligent. I decided this when I realized that I can't stay like this all of my life. Today I came back from Yosemite. Yesterday we went on a hike. Tiring. Nevertheless, it was okay. This is kind of random, but who in the world comes to read this blog? I haven't updated this thing since like last November, yet I see that there have been views. I wonder if it's really people who've been reading this and not robots or something. This is really not for someone to read... I'm just keeping this blog in order to read it when I'm 40 or so. But I mean I have nothing against people reading it. The things that I write and talk about are just not very interesting per se. Whatever. It's your life and your decision to read it or not. If this was a month ago, I would probably keep writing. But I m a working woman now. I need to go to bed. okay I now go to sleep. Goodnight world. BTW my brother is going to UCLA. I can't wait to go eat the dorm food there. I can't believe I'm a senior :/ I am so old. Classes begin in 3 weeks. BYE

21

Being 21 is a scary thought. 21 means I am officially an "adult" waow I hate that word. I know that growing up is a part of life, but I wish time could just stop right now so I could stay right here right now forever. I try not to think about it because it gives me a headache, so yeah I basically continue living life pretending I am ageless. Being the oldest, doesn't make me feel any better. I guess I just have to live life to the fullest right now because I know that when I'm 30... I'll want to go back to my 21s.

Anyway, I'm going home in 2 weeks and I cannot wait. So much awaits at home. Like my mommy's cooking, snowboarding, eating out with friends, hanging out with my family, black friday shopping etc... I just need a break from berkeley because sometimes it's suffocating. but on the bright side. I LOVE THE WEATHER right now. It makes my day errday all day.

I can't wait to go snowboarding. I cRAVE it. I need it. I want it. I don't even care if no one wants to go. I am going under any circumstances. period. This is how ridiculously I want to go: there was this one night a couple of days ago when my living room was EMPTY at about 2:30 am. BTW that never happens. Someone is ALWAYS sleeping on one of the 3 futons or attempting to study, but failing miserably by falling asleep on the floor. So I took this opportunity to look up some snowboarding videos on youtube and attempted imitate the dudes as I took my stance in the middle of the living room. Basically, I was doing some virtual snowboarding. This went on for about 30 minutes I would say. Sad you say? not at all. This is how you learn. shoot. sigh. not really. Maybe I am just that sad. But it's okay. I am sure there are other people who do lamer things than I do, so that makes me really happy.

I want to be vegetarian. ehhh. yeah. JAJA. I really REALLY do. But sad thing is, it's kind of impossible. I love meat too much. One of the reasons I anticipate going back home is for the all-you-can-eat krn bbqs. Yeah what would I make of life without those. SHOOT. I'm so hungry now. My stomach is growling.

ok bye bye

life is short

diane kwon is no longer on this earth.
a week ago she passed away.
this was the first time ive had a friend die. now i know what it feels like to lose someone.
she was young. really young. 21. she had her whole life ahead of her.
how. why. why?

sometimes, i picture her. she is still there. so i guess i cant imagine her gone. man. how. really.

im here at berkeley mainly because of her.

i still remember considering berkeley. i thought man i can survive, there is hope cuz diane is on the team and shes cool, she'll be there for me
i still think that if it werent for her, i wouldnt have come to berkeley.
thanks diane. for just being there.
I still remember all the times we laughed. i still remember when you helped me, gave me advice, encouraged me. thanks.
i dont know where you are right now, but i hope that you are well and resting. im sorry. we never got to catch up and eat.

sigh.

i want to know. i just want answers.
life is tough.
am i making the right choice?
am i doing it wrong?
tired.
God. please. give me strength.
I wish He could tell me. straight up whats up.

sssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

los perdidomos y los demas

so finalmente un nuevo post. no he escrito en un tiempo pero siento como escribir y desahogarme un poco. ya supongo ke terminando el segundo anio en la u me hace pensar de muchas cosas incluyendo del futuro. en los 2 anios en la u la he pasado viviendo dia en dia sin pensar en manaiana. pero de repente se me ocurrio ke ya no puedo vivir en el hoy. es un poco dificil de explicar lo ke siento exactamente pk nose como expresarme muy bien :(

a pesar de ke haya pasado por un anio inestable, he aprendido mucho. empezando con clases y el la u, las diferentes amistades con mis amigos, mi relacion con mi roommate, mis papas y ultimamente mi relacion con Dios. nunk me olvidare de todos los obstaculos ke encontre en el camino para llegar a donde estoy hoy. mas ke nada fue un anio muy interesante, pero algunas veces me pregunto si tome las decisiones ke me van a ayudar en el futuro. talvez estoy yendo por otro camino, en uno ke no kiero. supongo ke nunca sabre. la vida. es cruel. algunas veces.

ya caput. :)

time to KO

I have this nasty thing on my upper lip. its so gross. it got big. i dont know if i mentioned it before, but it is truly gross. its like big and.. i think its a blood clott or something cuz i know its dried blood there, but i dont know. it doesnt hurt anymore, but it just annoys the hek outa me cuz its like right there on my lip and i cant lick my upper lip, which means that my upper lip stays really really dry. actually lower lip is really really dry too. oh and me been sick for 17 days now -____________- this is the longest i have ever gone. wants me to go sick and what. surprise? ok i guess ill just wait for it. anytime soon is fine. the sooner the better.

I finished with my first dt book today. JAJA. im actually quite proud cuz ive never finished a notebook before, cuz normally i stop half way and use something else cuz i get bored of my old one thus moving on to another better, cuter looking notebook or something, but this time i stuck with itt shoot. i wanted to finish the notebook so badly, but i did it yeee boi. ok its an amazing feat for me. now i have the snoopy one waiting for me in my aptttt. JAJA cant wait to write on ittttttt. but actually the molka skin was is just black i guess cool thing is it has snooopyyyyy weeeeeeeeee. its cute. i like it cuz its not normal and i bet you no one else has it, or at least here at berks. jijijijijojojojjjiujujejejejeejej. YEEEEEEEE snooooopyyyyy has been my bud ever since the the 5th grade. much love much love from the real world. but its a sercet.

JAJA IM LIKE PICK AT MY LIP MORE LIKE SCAB/BLISTER/COLD SORE ewwwwwww its bleeding JAJAJAJAJA I HATE IT. i want it gone now its so freakin annoying ahhhhhh its pouring blood basically pouring. yeah some ew it is.
it looks like a big very very big booboo.

i dont know what to do for the summer. i thought i had it all down, but clearly i dont when i might not even be able to take summer school . for some wierd reason my dad doesnt want to pay for it. i mean i guess i could understand because hes beeen paying for my full tuition since freshmen year. i feel bad. i could work to pay for it. , but i do not have a job at the moment. hmmmm. so i might not even be able to do that, but the wierd thing is, i think he would be willing to pay for my ticket to korea this summer. i think that is kinda funny. ish. maybe he wouldnt i dont know. i didnt leave home on a good note with him, so i dont know how me and dad relationship goes right now. so i might also go to korea this summer, but all this talk is up in the air. my mom really wants to go to korea. i feel so bad for my mommy. really. she suffers so much by herself. takes on so many burdens. she has no relatives in the states. and often times, my dad dont treat her too well. i think they be going through rough times right now.
on another note, my brother sent me a text that seriously made me cry. i was so super touched that yeah i cried. it was obviously about my parents. and the courage he got from something i did in the past.

im really really sleepy. really really sleepy. sometimes. i wonder. i honestly wonder (aside from bible and various recollections from other sources how peeps could worship a God they cannot see touch hear smell and see. faith is amajing. im sleepy. my contacts are dry. and my stomach hurts again. JAJAAJAJAJAAJA. ok. it feels wierd when my mom texts me. especially when she types in english and her grammer be all broken. i guess its ok. i dont mind. not that im any better on this blog JAJAJAAJAJAJAJAAJAJA. ok i know . i just dont careJAJAJAAJ OK.

a simple apology could amend a relationship just whoosh. its so easy yet why cant people
including myself gather up courage to do the right thing. why is it so darn hard. sometimes i dont think pride makes sense. i dont even feel like i have any left. or had any to begin with.
dang someone left fsm doors open and its so freakin cold. im so freakin cold. like wind blowing right here where me at ok hopefully some nice person will close the door. JAJAJA. or maybe not. i guess im cool with either.

my teacher didnt get my scandi essay :( i thought i totally drop boxed it, but i guess me so freaken dumbs that i didnt double check JJAAJAJa. i normally always douhble check something must be so wrong with me. oh yeah. it must be all that cheese. you know, when you have lotsa somethings that you love you go nuts. man i love nuts, i actually like almonds alot.. just not like plain man i love peanuts. my favorite is the honey roasted peanut. its soooooooo good. soo good. but i get full really fast, so its not very good to eat too much of it, but i always eat until im full that i cant ever have a proper meal so i actually try to avoid those when as much as i can.

i learned the secrets behind the snaps game and the bang game! weeeeeeeeee. im genius. ok im clearly not because it took me a couple of millions of years to find out. im so dumb at figuring out games :( WHYYYYYYYYYY. adlfja;lsdjfa;sldfjals a;sldjfsl;adjfaslfj. i really really try to think. but sometimes i wonder if i have reached full capacity. i dont think i have. because yeah i just know that i havent.
i really like christian music. its soothing, good stuff.

whooooole spring break i didnt do anything but play. i didnt study a bit. i dont know if thats a good thing or a bad thing. i think ill just have to make it up by reading alot later. :( actually i dont even read.
actually i dont think im doing very well in school this semester because i got FREAKIN lazy this smester, i dont read, and i do things very last minute. at least last semester, i read. i dont even do that anymore. im sleepy.

you know that writing a blog takes quite some time. its not like 1O min, its like 1 hour. i would say normally it takes an hour cuz i normally pause and do other stuff me thinks. im not sure, i thinks thats why i stoppped blogging for a while, cuz i got really really lazy and i dont want to right a whatevs short entry cuz i actually dont know. man i just wana go home and sleep right now.
i failed my korean test today because i didnt study for itJAJAJAA. I THINK I might fail korean. i have basically never studied for any of the tests, the most i have done is skim through it. and that is pretty bad considering that everything on the test is from the lessons in the book. JAJAAJA. ok i fail. i think i need to move on to spanish. oh yeah. then i dont have to stress or anything. but i dont even think i will be able to fit that in my busy schedule. i dont know if im making the right decision by going with social welfare and media studies. sigh. i dont want to regret it when im old.
i might actually be pre law. i know i shouldnt for my parents, but i might do it for my dad because i feel bad. FA;LSDJASL;JF A;SDLJFSDL;FJADS;. what is this pressure i feel :(

i realized that no one in my family is ambitious JAJAJA i think to some extent this is not very good because no one in my family really has any goals. JAJAA. hmmm not too good. my dad is not a very ambitious person, nor am i and def not my bro. it may be cuz we be too spoiled. and i guess me not being too smart also plays a part in my decision to be whatvs.
ok i think i rambled enough. i wrote as thoughts came into my head. that is all and im really sleepy.

sometimes i want to be a guy. seems appealing. im sleepy. and my stomach hurts. but mostly, i want to sleep. but then i have to go home and take my contacts off and brush my teeth and take my make up off and put the pjs on. that wakes me up. then it take sme some time to get into sleep mode again. ugghhh.

summer and her brother are funny. brother=winter. this will be a reminder of the funny times of summer and co.

fun fun in the sun sun. it rhymes. i like things that rhyme.
ok farewell fellow fungi.