deeply fallen.

its been almost one week since ive been home. i ve dont nothing productive since ive been here. not that its bad. ive been chilling at home a lot, which is very unusual. back at berkeley, i thought i was sure i would be spending most of my break hanging out with friends. i feel so lazy right now. i just want to sleep all that i want and just stay at home watching a computer screen all day. jaja. not very good for my anything. this should change after i get back from new york because i have a lot of people to meet.

i just noticed today, that berkeley changed me somewhat. i used to watch a lot of tv before, but since i dont watch tv at all at berkeley, i dont watch at home either. since im constantly out in berkeley, i just want to stay at home when im home. make sense? should.

today, i had a a strong urge of wanting to be back in berkeley. there is only one reason why.

i have 2 options for next year:
1. go to community college.
2. become antisocial and live at the library.

my dad still thinks i play golf. oh my. whatever shall i do now. i have yet to tell him about my situation. im so confused right now. i am most probably going through my almost-twenties crisis. i need someone to shoot me right now.

like cascada's song, i need a miracle.

this is venting time right now like no other.

my internet be slow.
when i am home, my dad always yells at me for the smallest things
why cant my brother mature and be nicer to girls
why is my mom so nice
i dont want to go to new york
my eyes are getting worse. why does my left eye have an infection
why are some korean ajumahs so mean, stuck up, prideful, rude and greedy even though they are christians and go to church
do i like golf? do i want to keep playing?
how do i tell my dad about it.

ive come to realize that in my blog, i sound like a normal person who is apparently emo. i also sound somewhat depressed. so wierd.

should be times of joy. since today is technically the 24th, tomorrow is christmas. a day to celebrate. but im not getting the feel to do anything.

everytime i hear the numa numa song, it reminds me of mike chen. the reason for mentioning it is because im listening to it right now on pandora. i dont think its suppose to be a good thing.

i need strength.

ive fallen. im weak and weary.
Lord, please lift me up.