the common sense of an asian father

today. was a boring day. home all day. i was suppose to go to church, but i am yet to find a church i am comfortable in. my dad and my brother came from his archery tournament today. they were gone for 3 days. i have no idea how he did. did not bother to ask. how mean of me. i will tomorrow.

had a very serious convo with my dad today about golf and college and the future? the convo was more than serious. there was some highs. coming from both of us. my dad basically gave me 2 options. dont make sense to me:

1. i do as he says and play golf.
or-
2. i quit golf and i can do whatever. the catch: he wont pay for anything. not college, housing, food, etc...

out of pure madness it told him that i just wanted to quit golf and go to community college. i also told him i was being serious. and he said, yeah sure why not, i could do whatever i wanted anyways, so i even told him i would go back to chile.

i dont get it. arg. he is controlling my life again. im 19 though. why. he still babys me. he even knows it cuz he told me so. i thought that if i went to college, he would let go of me. but i guess he is not ready yet. maybe he will never be.

i do somewhat understand where he is coming from as a parent and it is his duty to discipline me as much as he can, but still. he needs to take a break.

ive been living in my golf bubble for the last 6 years. ive been longing for the freedom that college awaits me, but even though i go to college, i still feel somewhat trapped sometimes because of golf and my dad.

for the first time in my life since 8th grade, i felt freee in college. its like when you give a baby a candy for the first time. they love it and want more of it. but then when they dont get candy anymore, they long for it and are totally deprived of it. 4 years later, you give the baby all the candy it wants. and it tastes so good they want more of it. i am that baby. but i know that eventually, too much of it, will damage me.

what i want is, time to stop, and give me a year to think about things slowly and enjoy living everysingle moment, not having to worry about all this crap.

time is gold indeed.