FULTON HOUSE :)

joyousssssssssss

during the struggles

exactly. i wasnt before. but i am now.
alot. through many things.
um. just very personal struggles i guess you could say. just kind of want to hide
right now. seriously. i thinkest i will for a little bit because sometimes
its too much too take. and maybe ignoring it will cause me more stress and pain and then build up inside until i wont be able to take it anymore.

if i think about it ... its struggles in every single aspect of my life. jaja no joke. i dont even know where to start. i cant handle it right now.
why is it when i am the most vulnerable, that i have to turn to Him for help. so desperately. ahhhh myyygash.

food. peace. sleep. comfort. NOt.

:(

안녕ssss

하이. 배키 여기있음. 생각보다 힘들다. 진차.
ahhh me rindo. es demasiado dificil y mas encima no se muy bien asike creo ke me voy a ekivocar caleta, asike nisikera kiero tratar.

hoy kiero hablar de algo serio. no voy a mencionar el nombre de tal persona, pero creo ke esta persona esta yendo por malos tiempos y me siento responsable. nunk supe ke religion podria traer tanta tencion entre las personas y Dios. una relacion ke tiene ke ser perfecta. osea pk es ta dificil de hacer.
toi muy cansada de escribir asike creo ke despues de un rato mas anadire mas.

por ahora. toi fuera.

confusa.

melona bar

my favorite :) i lovest melona bar with all my heartest. wherever melona bar goes, becky goes. whenever i go to someones house and they whether offer or do not offer their melona bars, i take 2 every time. at ivanka's and chemily's house i had 2, then at vivian's i had 2 or 3 maybe and then at mulan's house i had 2 and then at sieun's house at 2 yesterday :P its not like i decided to eat 2 everytime i had the chance to, but its just that i cant get enough of it, so i devour 2. so yeah. i like melona bars. thats all i wanted to say.

i went over to sieun's house yesterday. she made us BOMB AHHH BOMB korean food. i hadnt had such hearty meal since forever. january to be exact. man. kimchi jigaes, kimchiii. dang ive never been so happy to eat kimchi in my life. kim. chadolbaegi :DDDDDDD. for dessert we had pomelo or something like that and MELONA BAR **. i get confused when i have to spell out dessert cuz i feel like im writing like desert. but then when i want to write desert, then i write desert, but when i want to write dessert i feel like writing desert. wierd huh. yeeh.

I BASICALLY HAVE ONE FINAL TO TAKE :D CHEYAAAAAAAABOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. only need to study for my music final, which class i have failed to attend since the time i took my midterm. so i have to study my butt off?
final soc paper draft finished and turned in, which means i only need to edit it and kabam. collegewriting- basically last essay is due next monday, but im pretty much done working on it and then i have to make the portfolio which i must finish by next week? i dont care whatever.

i cant believe freshmen year is coming to an end. i m sadness dude. ahh. so fast. like lightning speed. thats fast.

still dont know what im doing this summer. its either korea, summer school at berk or bcc or summer school at fjc back at the ftowns. who knows.

buffet town. man. i dont like that place. i need to get out of there. but i cant help it. i just want to help that woman because she is in NEED. with capital needyness. she basically sucks at doing business, she doesnt treat costumer's with respect.. (sometimes) she SHADY. we dont get paychecks on time. she nags too much. she thinks i know everything about being a waitress, when i clearly wasnt even trained, so she nags. she thinks im retarded. just because i cant hear very well, doesnt mean i dont understand korean. ahhhhhhhh jeez. she calls me today to tell me that she needs someone to work for tomorrow's lunch shift and i tell her i cant because i have a lunch date with someone, then she tells me if i could move my lunch date to some other time, so i could work?!!!!!!!!! shes kinda a little bit psycho. who does that. i mean i understand, but comeon i have a life too other than school and work. pomponan ajumah to the max. ahhh ah my kashii. ---but i ended up working the lunch shift tomorrow -________-

fbla at sunny hills bye bye. genius. fbla. so my brother calls me today to tell me that fbla is forever gone from sunny hills. more than gone. it was banned. stupid seniors got caught drinking by the fbla staff. everyone got suspended. poor seniors who got into good private colleges. your kapput. im sorry but you screwed yourselves over. but i mean i have a heart too, so i do feel pity for you guys. i feel bad for roomates sister who worked really hard to become an officer for the section, but now all is gone. and my brother also wanted to join.

rsf was fail this week. last time i went was sunday. mon-wed. didntgo. until today. but its ok. hwaiting. i will go more often.

soooooo.............im sleepy :D
so bye bye.

pelo lais

perdoneme por dejarlo abandonado por cierto tiempo. ultimamente no he tenido ni el tiempo ni la energia de escribir sobre mi dia. pero mal habito ke sigo repitiendo: durmiendo a las 4- 5 de la manana.

ayer madrugue pk tenia ke terminar mi ensayo/proyecto final para la clase de sociologia. no me habia dado cuenta ke mi cuerpo se haria trizas una vez ke no le diera el reposo ke se merece. sera por eso ke a penas me vine a la piesa despues de entregar el ensayo y me hundi en la cama cayendo en profundo sueno.

todavia tengo muchas cosas ke hacer y pensar. todavia tengo ke encontrar un apartamento para vivir el proximo ano. me da mucha lata buscar y averiguar los precios y las condiciones de los apartamentos. seria mejor si me kedara sin hogar y asi podria ser baga o hitana.

lo siento, pero lo tengo ke decir. tengo demasiado sueno. cada vez ke escribo un poste, me cago de sueno y por lo mas trato de resistir para poder terminar de escribir mis quehaceres del dia pk para mi es muy importante expresarmmeee y escribir lo ke siento. es una forma de ventilarse, cual se siente bien hacer.
por lo mas ke kiero continuar escribiendo, la falta de descanso del dia anterior me esta matando.

ensayo tras ensayo tras ensayo, cuando terminara este ciclo.

una nota mas sobre mi pelo. me he dado cuenta ke yo defino pelo lais :P

ok
eso es todo por ahora.
roger.

monk about my hair

yeyyyyyuhhh. not. im super tired.like always. hmm. maybe i just like saying it. hmm. yeahh maybe. didnt do much today, like any other day because... that is college.

after class sarah bought me jjajangmyuns !!!!! it was delish. last time i had jjajangmyun was last year. jjajangmyun + tang soo yook. ahh bliss. but i think i consumed literally 1000 calories just for dinner. after finishing dinner. we went to the korean market. i was gona buy lots of yummy gwajas but i restrained myself and only ended up buying shikhae and naeng myun. jJAJA. but sarah bought like legit groceries, like when my mom goes to hanamchain and buys lettuce, oil .. blah blah that kind of stuf. man i dont want to cook next semester. i just dont. but ohmyge. i know i will have to. man ill just get meal points again. JAJAJAJA. jk. no way . i dont like dc food.

today was workout overload to the max. to the max. i went to rsf at 7 30, went on the stairs and burned 320 cals. then i got invited to go play frisbee, but i got the wrong location so i just went back to the room and i dont remember what i did. then i went back to rsf and worked out some more and ended up burning 500 calories on the tradmill and on the bike. i am super hungry. and tired. alsk;dfja;sldjfa;ldsfj.

oh man i forgot to play volleyball today :( sadness.

my hair . bothers . me. i dont know what to do with it yet. but i hate it when my hair is in a bad mood because it makes me be in a bad mood.
tomorrow is essay jam time because today. i didnt do nothinggggg.

nah nah nah nah nah aha ah ahahahaha., uhuhuhu uhu uhuhuhu.

i hope i pass stupid college writing class.
I HATE COLLEGE. i dont know what i want to do. i hate writing, reading, and sciences.
SKYDIVING. nonsense.

asdffffffjkkkkkkkkllllllajjjjjjaaa. i miss you halmoni and harabuhji. ppali o sae yo.

yendo bien.

osea si todo bien, pero aun muchas cosas en ke pensar. creo ke ya no voy a escrbir en castellano pk creo ke me hace mucha falta de vocabulario y diccion. sera imposible aprender solo escribiendo en este blog.

pero no tengo mucho ke escribir hoy y no tengo ganas tp.
asike solo voy a mencionar un par de cosas ke hice hoy.

no fui a clases.. jaja las dos ke tengo temprano en la maniana. me comi un sandwich para el almuerzo y despues creo ke me kede estudiando y leyendo.
a las 6 30 fui a rezar por 2 horas creo y despues fui al gimnacio :)
croe ke estoy haciendo buen trabajo. yendo al gimnacio todos los dias. pero creo ke estoi cansada y muchas veces me siento hambrienta. :P

ah FELIZ CUMPLE EDU :D

hello blog. i havent abandoned you yet.

yeah it does seem like it because i have not written on this thing in 4 or 5 days and i seldomly do that unless im on a trip somewhere and i have no access to the internet or when im sleeping over at someone else's house having too much fun, thus forgetting about my blog. :D its ok! i wont abandon you. i've just felt hella lazy to write.

i really dont remember what i did for the past 5 days, except for yesterday and today. ohhhohohohoh. yesterday i was enlightened :)AjIIIIIIIITH fernando here. he was a pretty cool guy. i tried not to fall asleep, but i think i did about twice for a minute. but seriously. his words hit me right thurrr. in the heart.

ohhh good stuff. ive been going to the rsf :) like i saaaays. i went last wedn, thurs, fri, sat, sun, mon. dangggg BOIIIIII thats 6 days ina row. ive never done thaaat. let us continue.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh. im working at buffet town again. -___- i was hoping that they would never open again, so i wouldnt get called, but they opened, so then i hoped that they never call me again, but noooooooooooo. they called me back again today.. and i couldnt refuse so i said i would work again. shoot. they seem hella desperate too. they didnt have anyone to work for them today so i had to go work. the place looks very remodeled. yeah the word is remodeled fsho. hmmm they totally converted into a seafood gourmet place. basically the only korean foods left are galbi, mandoo, ... myabe thats it? i dont remember. but new stuff they have. they got dimsum. like 7 kinds of rolls/sushis? i think like california roll, eel one, tuna one, salmon one... and more but i forget. they have like fried crab, fresh crab, oysters, clam, fresh shrimp, 2 different types of mussels, fried fish, smoked salmon, chinese cabbage, corn on the cob and the rest i forget. the same stuff there: french fries, egg roles, teriyaki chicken, AND I FORGET :D. but i dont know if its worth it. dude fsho its not worth it for me. i dont dig none of that seafood. I HATES SEAFOODs. ohhhhhhhhh uudong. they got that too. and vanilla and coffee icecreams. man i dont wana work there anymore. but i guess ill stay for one more month just so i can get some moneyss for KOREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. YAY ME.

there is an 80% chance that i might go to korea this summer, to be exact, on july 7th :) my halmoni and harabuhji from korea, who i havent seen in 10 years are coming to socallsss on june 7th :) yayyayayayaayayay. and then i guess i would go back with them and chill there for a month or so. that would mean no summah school for me. but if i dont go to korea this summer (kinda wana go in the winter. i hate the summer anyways. i hate humid the most. i lovesst the winter and the snow and the wind :) ) i will be attending bcc heres in berkss. but i dunnos yets.

im hungry. do i say that often. ? yea probably. i think every post consists of blah blah blah and then somewhere in the middle or in the end, there will be an 'im hungry' written. :)

i still got no apartment :( ... im so lazy. dang. at this rate, i will BE HOMELESS. JAJAJAJAJA. i guess that is where me belongs from the beginning.
man i wana eat churrascos and empanada de pino y de queso, casuela, calzonsillos rotos, chapaghettis, ramen and kimchi.

i dont think i am that tired lately. i dont know why. its like ive been getting more sleep. ah maybe the workload is lighter. hmmm that will change though. that will definitely change.

hmmmmmmmm actually i have verona apricot rasberry cookies right in front of me. JAJA. but i just workedout. hmmmmmmmmm. hmmmmmmmmmmm. should i mini miny moe this. nahh. is ok. i will not. jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. a;ldjf.

ok ! so this weekend! i am going to run to the berkeley marina and comest back! running! I WILL FULFILL THIS DREAM OF MINE.! i have to before the finals tornado hits me. no turning back man. noo no no.

soo. i have to return my baller adidas sandals because the size 6 is too small, ok jk its not small, it actually fits me perfect. TOO PERFECT. not cool. that cramps my style. so i have to exchange it, plus the shipping is free i think, for the exchange. i will do it tomorrow.

man i cant wait to eat korean food back at the fullerton. and pat bingsoo. and sit and read books at the barnes and nobles. and rent movies from redbox at albertsons and chim jil bang at diamond spa and hanam chains. and free samples at cotsco. and paris baguette and fancy plus AHHHHHH :D and okazya. :XXXXXXDDFDDFDF. jijiji.

oh its little brother's bday tomorrow. well he aint that small. 16. dang i remeber when i was 16. it was only 3 years ago. man time flies. like a fly. or a bird. or an anaconda. or like a plane. JUAJUAJUA. i miss you stupid little jerk brother.

soo farewells. for tonight.
ah chu wuhh. :P

good night :)

tengo menos ganas

cada vez ke abro esta pagina pa poder escribir, me siento mas y mas inclinada a dejar esta pagina y parar de escribir. sera pk soy muy floja y ya me aburri de escribir? ... ken sabe.. pero no creo ke escribire tanto como antes... osea antes... escribir todos los dias sin falta, o trataba de no dejar un dia sin escribir.

me salio una espinilla a lado de la nariz, creo ke yo lo mencione ayer, pero ahora estoy tratando de desaserme de esta cosa. ayer me tope con sieun en sufficient grounds y le dije sobre mi espinilla, y me djo ke le pusiera pasta de diente y asi durmiera por una noche y el proximo dia habria desaparecido, asike le crei, y le puse pasta de diente,, ahora toi con una custion de pasta en donde ta la espinilla, y ahora me urge rascarrrlo!

ehhhhhhhhh. denuevo. kiero dormir.

ahhh hoydia no fui a clases,,, denuevo.. ke mala soy :P pero buennnnnnnoo no me puedo despertar a tiempo..o mejor dicho... me da paja desperme tan temprano y sigo durmiendo despues de apagar el alarma.

hoydia, por la primera vez, yo y heidi fuimos a ver apartmentos para el proximo semestre.. lo odiee. odio caminar tanto y estar estresada por estupidos apartamentos,, prefiero ser vagabunda... pero al menos fuimos a ver americana, cuyo lugar tiene apartamentos con una piesa abierta para renta. pero preferiria si fuera un poco mas grande el esapcio, pero igual esta bkn. creo ke en las proximas semanas tengo ke ir a averiguar mas sobre lugares en dana y channing. pero enverda lo unico ke deseo, es un lugar cerca de la u para no tener ke caminar mucho, pk se si vivo a larga distancia del cole, me garantiza capiar clases.

he decido empesar de nuevo.. -__- con de perder peso pk necesitooo. ahh. no puedo mas. ya he alanzado el limite. si sigo haci, voy a tener ke comprar todo nuevo. :( ke penosoo!...
pero lo bueno es ke fui al gimnacio ayer, y hoy ... asike tnego ke motivarme no ma para ir todos los dias :) estas semanas en adelante voy a estar ocupadisima. ya no voy a poder dormir todo lo ke kera y no voy a poder leer mas y no voy a poder ver mas dramas :( pk la semana pasada empce 2 super entretes. nose pk empece denuevo, pero la influencia es de mi roomaaate. pk a lado mio, siempre ta viendo dramas y nose ke cosas y yo escucho y me meto en esas cosas.

tengo suenio asike me voy a dormir
.
ME PICA LA ESPINILLA CON LA PASTA! ME ARDEEE!

only half-hearted

busy first 3 days of the week, as i had so many things due. im really tired, and i know i should sleep more when i can, but i strangely dont and waste my time elsewhere. so stupid.

im really stressed right now. i dont know what to do with housing or the summer. i want to go to korea this summer, but i kinda don't. my dad probably thinks i will be playing golf this summer, but i most probably wont be. its going to be hard telling him. i dont know how to confront him. im going to hurt my daddy's feelings. i also want to take summer school. but i dont know where. and then after i figure out where im taking summer school, i have to find out what class i want to take. ahh so annoying.

I think i will cut my hair. im thinking of cutting it like 10 inches. O_0 it will fsho be surprising, since the last time i had short hair was in... third grade. whatever.

sometimes i wonder if i made the right decisions in college.
i have a huge pimple right under/next to my left nostril. it hurts like a mother father and i want to pop it, but i shant.

i dont want to think about the future. go away. right now.
i have a 2 blisters on my right foot. it really hurts when i walk.

i ran on the treadmill today, the fastest i have ran since i ve been in college. 4.25 miles in 40 minutes at a speed of 6.5. it felt good, but my head hurts and im dizzzy cuz i havent done this in a while. so my goal for the remainder of the semester is to run at least 3 miles every single day on the treadmill or outside. hwaittiings.

i cant help, but feel hopeless right now. :( i know i shouldnt but i am, i think i have suddenly become depressesd. so many thoughts hit me today. i kept on wondering why i always do things half-heartedly. many times never going through with commitments i make. i feel like a bad person today.

i want to find the garden of eden.

hola don juan

como tamos hoy? tamos muy estresada por aca seniores :(

odio no poder ver muy bien con mi ojo iskierdo.

harta de estar estudiando constantemente.

tengo dolor de panza por haber comido mucho :(

kiero un churrasco.

termine mi tarea!

kiero descansar.

no me acuerdo de lo ke hice hoy.

me voy a ir a dormir.

chaop.

why

here by the king of procrastinators. yeyuuhh. me that is. i want to lie down and never wake up until im like 30. seriously. ahh. gahhahahaha. i didnt do any work this week because i leave everything to the last minute and since i had nothing due this week, i just played all day every day this week, but ohh my kashii. i have so much due next mon, tues, wed. ahh. dude. i could have so finished a lot of the stuff due this week instead of doing retarded stuff. now im suffering the consequences of super mega stress and internal anger issues brain against heart or whatevers.

i woke up at 3 30.. yay me. wasted more than half a day. i was suppose to go to sf with hiedi. but no can do. wasted 3 hours of my day looking at apartments online and whatnot. got an appointment for a place super far away which i doubt i will get because its too far, and that would make it impossible for me not to go to class next semester. but its hella nice though.

ate dinner with stacaaaaaaaaay. at crossroads, food was so blah seriously.. the only reason we ate there was because they had the most ok food since i dont know when. pad thai was ok actually, i thought the mandoo was gona be good, but dude, its all dough and oil. JIN - gross. but lemon chicken was ok. special k cereal is always yuum. after dinner i was suppose to go to the marie digby concert because i had free tickets, but i decided not to go because i was too lazy. yeah she has a great voice.. ( i decided to check her out on youtube for the first time yesterday) but she aint thaat great, no specialnesss in her .. ja. so whatevers dude. instead.. i came to mulan, VA, praying mantis, and janet's house to chiil~ ok nah jk. to study. on the way to their house. i had a random encounter. david park. indeed random.

upon arrival, i was greeted by laptops, not people but laptops. all i saw when i came in was 7 laptops or something on the tables. it was a laptop partay. tubbs, elisa, shieh shieh, were there. after a while, paige joined us too. lots of people lots of love to spread around :)

i got something done. i hate this. but i got something done, so for monday i have my revised essay and my concert report due. all i got so far is maybe 3/5 of my essay revising done? well not bad.. considering that i was talking a lot and eating lots. .. man i have to go to san fran tomorrow with heidi cuz i promised her, but i dont want to go because i have so much work due next week, but i couuld not possibly tell her that, she will hate me forever.. , i mean it wouldn't be the first time i bail out on her. ahh but i still need to write my 3 page concert report :()<--funny looking mouth? i like ;)

freshmen year is near an end. bye bye my precious youthfulness.

ohhh mulan's apartment is coldness. stupid laptop wants to restart every freakin 5 min or something. jeez. ahh had my favorite melona bar ice cream today. so yummy. i have been wearing my glasses for too long. i should stop. i dont like wearing my glasses, its not like i can see very well with them anyways because my eye glasses place doesnt seem to be very legit. but its not like i can see well with my contacts either. i see hella blurry with my left eye.

i misss my mom.
i dont miss hotness.
i like coldness.
i need to sleep.
its cold.
i hate me for procrastinating.
dang i really cant see with my glasses.
ok seriously. bye bye. yea?

easter sunday.

pecados perdonados

no tengo muchas ganas de escribir pk tengo mucho sueño. acabo de pasar 4 horas longbordeando con kevin, josh, josh, denny, johnny, mike y no me acuerdo kien mas y estoy mas cansada ke las conchas. me duele las piernas.. pero debo decir ke mejore mucho :) y creo ke si voy snowboarding, sin duda podre montar la tabla con mejor flujido. ahh tengo ganas de ir a snowbordear.. :( tendre ke esperar hasta noviembre :( puchasss. yendo al tema de lonboarding de nuevo, me paso algo muy no tan agradable. cuando taba yendo sentada en la tabla, se me atasco la camisa junto con la chaketa en las ruedas, y debido ha eso, se me hecho a perder toda la parte de abajo de mi blusa. :( la ruedas se la comio. pero .. no era tan importante supongo y al mismo tiempo, me raspe la espalda con el cememto, o sera un poco mas abajo ke la espalda, talez super serca de mi poto. creo ke contra el cemento, se kemo. ojala ke se sane rapido.

hoy, bueno ayer tecnicamente, era viernes santo y por eso fui a alameda y hay celebramos la muerte de Jesus Cristo en la cruz. me di cuentas de muchas cosas al escuchar al pastor dar su sermon. pero me da lata pensar y escribirlo todo al mismo tiempo mas encima. se me cae el sueño.

ya no aguanto mas. me tengo ke ir dormir. son las 4 30. y creo ke mañana tengo ke ir a san fran con heidi. y tengo ke estudiar y hacer tarea y reportaje ah las madress. no kiero. necesito energia para mañANA asike me voy.

שלום ותודה על הכל

round circly head

ahhhh. yesterday . i didnt do anything. it felt short because i didnt do much. half my day was gone because i woke up late and went to class. then what happened. .. i went to the y and then i dont remember.. did i go to sleep? i dont rememeber.. dang. ohh i had dinner with san and joeun at the cafe expresso or something. and then i went to my room and i dont remember the rest. fuzzy memory.

today.. i was in my room the whole day. :0 didnt go to any of my classes. i think its because i dont feel an obligation to attend classes and since i have the freedom to choose whether to go to class or not, i choose not to. oh dear. i should get slapped.ohh i got the same virus for the 4th time and i had to go to the rescomp again... for the fourth time. JAJA. the rescomp ppl must be freakin annoyed with me :P since i come with the same virus problem everytime. but fear not! i got an antivirus.. yeahh i guess it takes 4 times to get protection. im stubborn.

oh yesterday i played volleyball with fobnims. i hate saying this, but i get intimidated by the people who go play there on open court days. i want to be good. i like volleyball alot, i think its the first time i m so passionate about something. really really. so strange.

i got maa baller adidas sandals. :) and i got my mickey mouse earrings from singapore. double wham. bam. im hhungry. i hate fish. and i hate eggs the most.

i got google chrome. i like it. its fast. oh stupid f key is retarded. omy gaash. it dont press down. man ima get a mac. maybe not. whatever i dont know.

im so hungries. iaaaaaaam. ahhhhhhh. jeez.
ok bye